sadness in its 'extremity' (ha)

It's been one of my goals in life to never cry, or rather, never let anyone see me cry. I've created my image of the ideal woman in my mind, someone I'd like to be. She's silent but secure and never does she let a single tear shed from her eyes. Over time, I've tried to become her. I've stopped crying and stop speaking my mind.. which (what I assume) is what lead to my robotic antisocialist state of mind. Being out of practice, I'm not entirely sure how to help people understand the complexity of my deepest thoughts or how to understand anyone else's. But, this is who I've been aiming to be, I wanted to be her.. I am silent and I choose not to let anyone see me cry.. anymore.