(woke up outta no where.. might as well write.)
i guess i don't really know what to say. i've written to and about mommy a billion times on my blog but never about daddy.
i want to say i'm sorry.. i know you've been making an effort, even if it's only a tiny one, to be in my life and me being my bitter self, i always push you away or make you feel guilty for not being there. i used to hate the fact that i didn't have a story book family, when my friends would go out to dinner with their family, my stomach would secretly tighten, my eyes secretly dried and my heart secretly dropped. i hated it and i wished i could have what they had.
but then i saw the tough times my friends would go through because of their controlling dads. times they couldnt go out because their moms said yes but their dads said no. i loved those times. i used to tell mommy that i was happy it was just us. tho i was, a part of me still longed for the father-daughter relationship i saw in movies and heard in songs.
i want to apologize for that one time i embarrassed you at the mall (like 5 years ago) i was completely out of line. i was a bitter child and in my mind, seeing you once every 6 months wasn't good enough for me. it wasn't how it was supposed to be.
i want to apologize for the way i treated you on my 18th birthday. the timing was wrong and the tension was high.
i just don't like how bitter i've become because of this whole family situation. it's not that i blame you.. but i blame the situation? if that makes sense. all i want is for you to not act like everything is perfect when you actually are around. you and i have to face that it's not, nor will it ever be perfect and i'm fine with that. i love the strong relationship i have with my mom and the rest of my moms side of the family. i guess i have you to thank for that. so daddy... thank you for bringing me into this world and thank you for allowing me to experience it's magnificence. i wish you all the best in life.