ssshake it off

is this real life right now? my goodness please please please (i'm begging) don't tell me that it is.

it's been a rough couple of days and i've been letting my emotions get the best of me. i know i'm able to get through all of this but knowing i'm able to doesn't make it any less painful. in a couple days i wont even remember what i was blogging about in the first place but here right now i know and it hurts maybe a little more than it should but it does nonetheless. this, coming from a girl who barely even steps out of her comfort zone, i have one foot in and one foot out and can already feel the pressures and disappointments of the unknown/unfamiliar/uncertain, oh man, i'm scared to death of the uncertain. which is ironic because death is the only thing that really is certain.. (well that was a little dark and totally off topic.)

i don't know why exactly but i feel it, the feeling of the emotional pain becoming one with the physical. when your heart literally feels like it's reaching out or stomach's tied up in knots or my throat so dry i can't speak. okay maybe a little melodramatic but i really do feel like my heart is reaching out but i'm not exactly sure to whom or why because i'm pretty sure i can do this on my own.

hopefully i shake this off.

or maybe.. they're just spring time allergies.