best friends

i kind of miss having a best friend. a real one. sure i say that a couple people are my best friends and vice versa but i feel like it's only that way cus of the title. i don't mean to sound confusing, i love these people to death but i think even they would agree that it's not the kind of best friendships that we used to know in elementary.

you know.. the talk on the phone about nothing, hang out over girl/boyfriends (granted back then they were just internet relationships haha), doing random shit together. checking up on msn hahaha. i don't know.

i thought that while growing up my friendships would strengthen but they only did the opposite. they weakened. turned into hellos & goodbyes on good days.

i remember saying something in the summer of grade 11 that haunts me to this day. i said "i'd rather be friendly acquaintences with everyone than have a couple good friends." what. an. idiot. i got my wish, but i'm not as happy as i could be with the few good friends that i wished not to have. (i wished for that at the time because i knew how vulnerable i would be to getting hurt if i only let a couple people people get close)