saw this on twitter:
"And BTW forgiving doesn't mean allowing people back in your life. It means letting go of the pain that cause hate and changes u"

no quote as ever opened my eyes more than this.

all this time i thought that if i forgave the people that hurt me it meant that i had to let them back all the way in.. doing each other's hair, secrets on the phone type in but i never thought that forgiveness had anything to do with me. i thought that if i didn't forgive someone for a while it'd be them that would suffer, i never really thought that i'd be also affected. a while ago, i wasn't able to forgive and a friend commented on my change of attitude. i asked him to describe me in one word and he said "bitter." i didn't want to be that girl.

i've had many people in my life hurt me: strangers, old friends, new friends, even blood but when they asked for forgiveness (though it may have taken a while) i always did and they always expected for it to go back to normal. though i've tried to make it as normal as it could be, it never could go back. realizing that forgiving doesn't mean allowing people back into my life and that its just letting go of the pain has given me a sigh of relief. it means i don't have to force myself to be the person from the past that i'm not anymore because let's face it, i'm different and so are the people that i've forgiven. forcing old relationships on new people is kind of like an arranged marriage... though you're trying to be optimistic, it's awkward, you're bitter and there's no chemistry whatsoever.