who's gonna save me from myself?

i'm friendship any kind of relationship paranoid. i never ever let anyone all the way in because what if, God forbid, they use my thoughts, feelings, dreams against me? if it's happened once before, it can definitely happen again.

so now i'm stuck in a place that i don't want to be, with friends that barely know who i am. sure, they know my quirky habits but not really me. is it wrong of me to like it that way? to not be known by those i consider my closest friends because i'd rather have it be that way than have the slightest possibility of getting hurt? maybe

..but i'm so paranoid, so emotionally screwed up that it scares me. this wall that i've built is rock solid and it seems almost impossible for anyone to break down.

i'm not going to blame you or anyone else for screwing me up, i allowed this to happen to myself. for now i'm gona dig with every ounce of my strength for a way out of this mess. this really is a mess.