my best friend and i were talking about how we felt like we were meant to be moms. i can't speak for her but for me i can feel it.. like it's my calling or whatever to give someone other than myself my entire soul, body, spirit and mind. i want to love someone with my entire existence and i long to have them look at me the way i look at my own mom.
being us, we proceeded to describe the physical things we wish our kids would have. we both agreed nicer noses (hahhaahahaha) and i said how i wanted my kids to have my freckles. it'd be sweet to have a picture of my child, my mom and i, 3 asians with freckles. rare but i think it makes us kinda special haha.
but then i thought about my medical history. i really don't know much about my dad's genes except for the possibility of autism in the family. my half brother is autistic, and tho he gets all the love in the world from his mom, my dad and i, i can't help but wonder what kind of person he would be without it. i don't know about anything serious on my mom's side, just stuff like asthma (which i have) and arthritis.
so i've come to the conclusion that i just want my future baby to be 100% healthy. i want him or her to be able to grow up in this crazy world with as little trouble as possible. i want my baby to experience this world the best they can. however, if my baby does end up with autism or any condition.. i'll love them unconditionally because that's exactly what i'm born to do; love.